01.01.Omy - 1/1/05

From JC - 1/1/05 - 01.01.OMY

I've been up for something like 30 hour now.
I just got in.
Forgive any typos...I'm still a little dranked and a lot tired.

NYE was OK. I managed to piss off Jack to such an extent that he left around 8.30 PM and didn't come back all nite.
Yay me.
I gave many back rubs to many ppl. My hands and wrists are sore.
Even w/the many JacknCokes, I can still feel how sore my hands and wrists are.

I had a donut. It was good.

Sean....
*sigh*
He so disappointed me. I did NOT want to ring in the new year with tears, but I did.

I don't ask for much, ever. Very little, in fact. I hate asking for anything from anyone.
I asked Sean one thing. ONE THING.
Please, please, please come downstairs (he lives above Lucky's) right before midnite and give me my Midnite Kiss.
He PROMISED he would.

He didn't.

He came in around 1.30, with another girl and her b/f...sat at the opposite end of the bar..ignored me....then, came over to me about an hour and a half later, and kissed me on the cheek. I ignored it and just lit up a smoke. He got pissed and stormed out.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make him mad, but I was (and am) so hurt.
I know it sounds so stupid. Whothehell cares about a stupid kiss on NYE?
I'm 36, and just once in my life, I'd've liked a NYE Midnite Kiss from a guy.
I didn't think it was too much to ask the universe for.
Apparently, it was.
Not getting one brought me to tears, which is also stupid on my part.
It's not a big deal to anyone except me. I put waaaayyyy too much stock in it. But I can't help it.
Just once, please, can I start a new year with a smile instead of tears?
I only wanted to feel that someone cared enough, and nobody does. Not even my "friend" Sean.
I called him after he stormed off, and tried to explain, but just hung up after a few words. He hasn't tried to call me back, either.
So I guess I now know where I stand.

I'm goimg to bed. I need sleep.